|Spider swaying in the summer breeze- Taken by me.|
I was actually one of those on the spectrum who was called "a walking dictionary" and a "boffin" when I was younger, at least. For a person of my age I spoke very precisely and used more complicated words. Everyone would look at me as if I was very strange. I knew all of my times tables and I cared about classwork. This was in primary school, when I was around nine. I was the best at spelling in the class and always got high marks in spelling tests.
I was ridiculed for speaking the way I did which upset me at the time. People would laugh at me for saying "There was a period of time when I lived in London" and would call me over and say to me: "The shopping centre's so sick, isn't it?" With a grin. I looked at them in confusion and tried to think of a reply.
When I started secondary school I was called a walking dictionary. "Use some casual words," People rolled their eyes at me. So I taught myself to speak like a teenager. That means making sure that you don't use any words which are long or unusual, and saying things such as "sick," and "cool," and "fit." (I do think that it's harder to speak in the way that's more expected when you're tense or anxious and panicking) And learning phrases so as not to interpret them literally.
Of course secondary school isn't like primary school and I no longer easily answer every question asked and concentrate on schoolwork. Everything's a lot different now. It seems that just when you get used to something, everything changes again and you're left wondering what you're meant to be doing and where you're meant to be going.
For instance, friendships are now changing. Everybody was once in little groups, and I had a very small group of two friends, before everyone wanted to form bigger groups and meet up as part of bigger social gatherings. When this happens, I tend to panic and not speak and get pushed to the sidelines. It seems too much bother to try and fit in with these big groups. It's almost easier to completely isolate myself.
I'm still trying not to do that, though, although I think that next year, when school starts again, I'll try and concentrate more on schoolwork and learning and at least keep up with that if I can't keep up with all things social.
It's all one big giant game; there are too many rules and the truth is that nobody knows all of them.